Book’s 6.11 “Courage to Change” …What are People getting out of not wanting Necessary Change in their Lives, and Why People are Resisting such Change Needs?… (8/25/19)

6.11 Courage to Change

People typically do not like change especially with age.  Generally, with age we tend to get more set in our ways.  As far as people who are on the extreme end of not liking change, that’d be sufferers from Anxiety and Depression.  Isn’t it so interesting but sad that, negativity/unreal thinking is what gets us into problems with Anxiety/Depression or related, and negativity/unreal thinking is what keeps People from Trying to Change, and Improve in Life?!

Needless to say, the concept of Change is the #1 reason why people don’t want to do something Positive for themselves, such as the process written in this Book, regardless of how bad they have it and feel.  Besides, they just do not understand how Beautifully inside they would feel.  Now I could use a dose of that Pixie dust here :).  But the mere thought of having to reprogram and change one’s inner thoughts and mindset, is negatively perceived as being so overwhelming or impossible resulting in all those excuses that come  rolling out, blocking any willingness to change.  It really is too bad considering how so many would flourish when engaged in this process. Then they wait until they hit rock bottom before they may actually accept the need for change and actually do something about it (maybe).  Of course, without that Pixie dust I mentioned, they would not know what they are missing, and where they could be heading.

Consistent with the previous paragraph, there exists that word describing an individual, which is not pleasant to hear, defined as one who continues to do the same thing with the same actions, and expects different results.  Well, of course, this is real problem and plain and simple, we just do not work that way!  But yet, lots of people, and maybe most people (?), unfortunately, fall in that category.

Lucinda identified in her program, Common Resistance Behavior to change which are not real and Negative.  Bottom line is we need to treat these Negative resistance behaviors just like all those other unreal Negatives and rid us of such behavior patterns and attitudes if we are going to Recover.

1. “Justifying present behavior: ….you have a thousand reasons for your present behavior….these excuses are weak and are built on a negative foundation (are not real)”
2. “Negative/skeptical attitude about change: …you may have already decided the program (this process) won’t work for this or that reason.  You feel the material is too complicated … This is a self-defeating attitude.  You start out by saying it won’t work, so you won’t be disappointed if it doesn’t.  This is resistance to change.  Unless you try to become more open-minded and try to let go of this thought, you will have a hard time letting go of this condition.  You need to recognize that this is simply a resistance pattern.  Then you will be on the road to change.”
3. ““That’s the way I am” attitude: you say “I’m the type of person…” and so on.  It is a statement that says this is the way you are and you probably are not going to change.”
4. “Procrastination: This is a very common resistance.  You may be saying you will put off working on your limitations until you don’t feel anxious or until you feel more independent.  This only keeps you from facing your fears and working toward your goals (of ridding yourself of Anxiety and Depression ultimately).   As stated previously, this is not the way this works.  You have to get out there and do it, work it, and feel those anxious feelings etc. and go through it in the process to improve.”
5. “Over-analyzing and intellectualizing:  This is a common resistance behavior because, as a rule, you are so analytical.  With this resistance, you overanalyze and intellectualize everything until the new behavior seems so complicated and confusing it produces a great amount of anxiety.  Consequently, the old behavior seems easier and less complicated.”
6. “Morals and Religion: This resistance is hard to let go of because it is so effective and justifiable.  You might feel that you can’t put yourself first or be assertive because it will go against your Religion.  But as identified, we must take care of ourselves, #1, and when we do this, we can then better take care of others.” 
7. ““Nobody really understands me” attitude: This resistance is kind of a “feel sorry for yourself” attitude.  You feel you are different.  Your problems are worse.  Maybe you can’t change.  Again, this is very self-defeating that will stop you even before you get started.  But at least you have a good excuse not to change.”
8. “Insecure Behavior: This resistance can be effective because it also puts the blame on someone or something else.  “People might not like me if I change.  Someone might take it wrong if I am assertive.  What if I change and my husband or wife leaves me?  You have all kinds of little insecure reasons for not changing.  Maybe it’s easier to just stay anxious.””

Additionally, Lucinda identifies “Secondary Gains” that we get out of negative behavior and what may prevent us from Changing or desiring to Change.  In order to get out of your A & D ways, you will need to face up to these gains, and look at the big picture and what the overall Gains will be if you Change and Gain control over your Life. :

1. “Getting attention: This gain is especially important to those people who seem to be “babied” a lot due to anxiety.”  As such, others close to these subject people do things for them to help relieve them of their undue and constant stress; in all reality, the others are not really helping them but are just hindering the progress of the subject people.  “It isn’t easy to give up all the attention especially deep down inside it makes them feel loved and cared for.”
2. “Avoiding Making Decisions: This is the more popular secondary gain especially for those who are performance oriented. Making a decision about your Life is very difficult.  If you make the wrong decision you are setting yourself up for self-hate due to your perfectionist, hate to fail attitude.  By being anxious and depressed you have an excuse not to make  key decisions e.g. changing jobs, getting out of a bad relationship, going back to school”, etc.  You think “what if you did any of those things and your anxiety acted up.  Therefore you better not do it.  Decision making is difficult for many anxious people, causing much anxiety. This will only lead to procrastination, which will lead to self-hate.  It is a no win situation.”
3. “Avoiding getting close to people and socializing: Getting close to people is a lot of work. Some decide it is easier not to make the effort.  Besides, if these people knew what you were really like, they would think you were different and they probably would not like you anyway.  Right? Wrong.  If you remain anxious and depressed you can’t get close to anyone.  Getting close to someone puts us in a vulnerable position.  To some, staying anxious is an easier alternative.” 

Actions:

• In order to be better adept at handling Changes, just like our way of dealing with all those negatives in our lives (as addressed & detailed in section 5.5) , we need to put up that mental stop sign and challenge the subject Changes (needless to say, the Changes that  are making us feel down/negative).

• We then need to weigh the Positives vs. the Negatives associated with the Changes. Of course if the Positives outweigh the Negatives, that should be the determining factor.  What we need to think of, that should Positively shift the Positives vs. Negatives balance, is to establish what  the impacts to us will be if, A),  we hold onto our Anxiety and Depression and not Change (typically), vs. B), we rid ourselves of significant issues with Anxiety and Depression based on Changing.  That alone will likely be the answer that is best for us and when you really think about it, it should be a slam dunk (to change).

As Lucinda puts it, “Which is worse?  The Anxiety from suffering with Anxiety and Depression or the Anxiety from Change?  Neither is pleasant, but only one holds the key to self-acceptance, growth, maturity, and peace of mind.”

Another key factor impacting the Positive vs. Negative balance in our determination to change or not, is, do we have control of the matter to change or not (?)  Plain and simple, some changes are inevitable, are final, and no matter how we play our cards, it always ends up with the same result; we cannot control those matters so we have to move on in the direction that situation is taking us and write or provide associated Positive affirmations to ourselves.  Remember, again, the only thing we can control is ourselves. 

Refer to the main section 6, items 4) and On) for the suggested Training.  Additionally read/review section 6.2 and 6.3 again, one time early during the course of your training of this section.

Thinks about it,  for All those who are avoiding CHANGE… For what reasons?  & is it worth doing that to yourself?

Take Xtra Care and God Bless!

Ron