ANGER, another Source of Our negativity which we Need to get a handle on, for & within ourselves, & towards Others!

6.4.   Stop being Angry and Control Mood Swings & Rid Yourself of Guilt.

“People who suffer with Anxiety and Depression are easily irritated.  They tend to over-react to Life’s typical frustrations and disappointments.  People with acute Anxiety often harbor feelings of anger and resentment that can lead to hours, days, and weeks of inner and outer bitterness.”

The only Anger I could relate with was Anger that I harbored within myself which I directed toward myself.  Anger directed towards others is Anger I could never really relate to.  Therefore, I could not readily address this type Anger, on my own with my own words, with same or equal meaning as what Lucinda provides.  Hence, you will find quite a lot of Lucinda’s quoted text here for that reason.  

We need to think before we act or react to control our real time generated Anger, or Anger we are holding onto.  We need to determine if it is really worth reacting to.  Bottom line is you need to Dissolve or Resolve your Anger. You have to ask yourself such questions as, what are you getting out of your Anger, “is the Anger doing you any good”, and is the Anger worth festering over ?    If the answer is essentially No, then, be done with it, and Dissolve that Anger.  If you are Angry at a situation that cannot be changed, then you need to just Dissolve that Anger and let it go! If you feel you need to Resolve the Anger and it involves dealing with another individual, then you need to deal with such matters Assertively and not Aggressively. 

Another key thing regarding your Anger is that the prime objective when dealing with Anger is to take care of yourself and that should be your only objective. Your objective shouldn’t be to just get back at someone.  If you handle the situation Assertively and properly, you can solve all matters appropriately.  

Again, I personally harbored Anger within me and would always direct it toward myself.  I would never really snap out at others out of Anger; it was just never in my bones to be Angry or, I thought, mean towards others on account of situations that I was at least partially responsible for.  However, on the job when I was very focused on matters at hand, I did take care of myself as required.  But I was pretty much the Passive-Aggressive type, and would conjour up that more Aggressive side, the Guido/Pit Bull within me, but in a kinder sense such that I was not mean in the process, but definitely did not handle the situation in the most appropriate and tactful manner.   I just did not know how to be appropriately Assertive, which I did learn and that I have become very good at.

Few more key things identified by Lucinda in her program regarding Anger which A & D sufferers may have when they direct their Anger towards others, because they are upset at themselves:

“Anger sows weed seeds in every part of our mind, body, and spirit.  Of all the human emotions, anger is potentially the most dangerous to our health.  Until we learn to dig out the roots, anger is a choking ground cover that thwarts happiness, leads to physical illness and emotional stunting.”

“Again, it all begins with our thoughts.  Most hostile feelings begin with inappropriate, incorrect, thoughts about other people or situations that can’t be changed.”

“For a number of years, depression was thought to be anger turned in on oneself.  We now know there are lots of other causes for depression.  However, unexpressed appropriate anger, or not knowing the healthy use of this normal but powerful emotion, still ranks high as an underlying factor in some depressions.”

“Another important insight, is that depressed individuals do not feel good (physically and/or emotionally)!”  Therefore they can understandably be short tempered.” 

If you are Angry at yourself for something that you have done in the past, you need to rid yourself of this Anger or Guilt, and likewise Dissolve or Resolve it.

Actions: 

Again, just like we need to put up the stop sign and challenge our negative thoughts as addressed in section 5.5, we need to do the same thing here with our Anger or Guilt to see if it worthwhile or not to deal with it.

1. We need to think before we act to control our real time generated anger or anger we have been holding onto for some time.  You need to ask yourself, what outcome do you really want from being Angry?  Is it any benefit to you to be dealing with this Anger, or would it be best for you to just let it go?  Promptly dissolve Anger that doesn’t make any sense to hold on to and fester about.  If the Anger is real, and it is within your control to deal with it, then go deal with it.  If the Anger involves a conflict or issue with someone, you need to handle the conflict Assertively as identified in section 6.5  Do you really want to make someone else feel bad too with the Anger and conflict?  That should not be your objective.  But, if you handle it correctly and Assertively, then this likely would serve that purpose without intentionally attacking the individual that is making you feel angry (as illustrated by an example in section 6.5).  Taking care of yourself should be your primary, if not your only objective.  
2. If you have trouble with something that you have done in the past, that you feel you did not handle well, and are angry at yourself about, making you feel Guilty, then challenge this situation.  EG.  Lets say there was something you did in the past, where you may have inappropriately handled a situation with an individual, maybe hurting that individual, or mistreated someone, or you did something that goes against your grain of what you believe is right vs. wrong, then you need to either:

• let go and forgive yourself, since we all have made mistakes in our lives, and appease the situation with a higher power, if you so believe.  Of course, if your Guilt involves e.g. the mistreatment of an individual on your part, and that individual is no longer around to contact and amend matters to clear the mind, this is all you can do.  Bottom line is that we cannot undo the past but, considering that God/Jesus (if you believe) has unfailing and unflappable love and forgiveness for you, if you are truly sorry at heart, and your subsequent actions follow suit, then all should be well.  So let go and don’t beat yourself up for things that happened in the past that we cannot change or undo.  
• if you feel you are hanging onto the guilt and you feel you would like to e.g. amend the situation with an individual who you had a conflict with which is the source of your guilt, then approach the individual assertively if you need to or in other cases just go and apologize to that individual with humility.  This will allow you to promptly let go of the inner guilt.

Refer to the main section 6, items 4) and On for the suggested Training.  Additionally, read/review section 5.5, and 6.1 again one time early during the course of your training for this section.  Regarding section 6.1 applicability, negativity developed during one’s formative years can become deeply entrenched within an individual creating one’s Anger.

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Here is the Full Instruction Set & Training Suggestions per main section 6, items 4) and On for all Key sections such as e.g. for this one 6.4, 6.5… & Ditto Other 6.X sections where Training is Highly Recommended as associated sections identify:

4) Work those chosen/applicable sections and work them per the numerical 6.X order in this section. In the process of working these subsections in section 6, if they are prominent sources of negativity, then it is recommended to go through those sections per the standard approach, designated as  “Refer to main section 6, items 4) and On for Training” in the individual 6.X sections.   If the section Training identifies to review your selected material in conjunction with other 6.X sections, it is suggested to review those other sections as well accordingly, regardless if you noted them as prominent sources of your negativity

It is understood this standard extent of training (i.e. section 6, items 4) and On) may be excessive for some people depending on the significance of one’s A & D.   Everyone is different, and of course, it is your prerogative to follow this or go at your own pace.  But as already identified, this Book is geared to all levels of A & D including those most afflicted; the ones suffering most, obviously need more repetitive reviews and training than others.  Take it from Impatient me as I ridiculously went through Lucinda’s program, the first time through, in record time.  You just do not want to rush through this.  Again, you are your safe haven and safe place and you are in charge.  But do not rush, nor get overly bogged down with the subject subsections:

a) Read through/review this section (4) times following the initial reads (as defined in the Introduction in section 1), reading through this material every other day, consecutively, over the course of 1 week. It is advised, on the off days, in-between sessions of reading the material, to be a mental observer.  Being a mental observer means:

• Be conscious of your inner dialogue and outward behavior with regard to this subject matter (i.e. “How am I thinking and behaving with this information in mind?”)
• Take like 10 minutes each day to write about your feelings in your personal journal.   Writing is therapeutic.  Journaling provides the therapeutic approach which serves in part, to slow down and capture one’s thoughts on paper.  This helps relieves our minds of the constant barrage of thoughts in our Anxiety ridden minds.  “Write down new insights you have.  Journaling will enable you to see themes, patterns, progress and growth,” during your recovery.  “Some individuals report that they have found it to be very therapeutic to write a biography, including their experience with anxiety and depression.”
• Write down your Goal for the week and work on achieving that goal.
• Speak to yourself with utmost respect and catch yourself using disrespectful tones or words and immediately replace it with respectful language and compassionate tones; if you are feeling a little down at times revisit section 2 and the first Action.

b) Work the included Actions as applicable in the respective subparagraphs.

5)  During the initial phases of Recovery, it is best to cycle through the relaxation session (3) times a day, but at least do it twice a day (i.e. in the morning before starting off the day, and at night prior to going to bed). It is best to lie down when you are going through this Relaxation process for the morning, and night time sessions, but just get in a comfortable seated position for the 3rd time should be okay.  Note that recommendation for (3) times a day is geared to those suffering most.  If you are not a significant sufferer from A & D, I suggest you do this, at least in the mornings when you wake up as I do; this allows you to kick off the day on the right foot, in a calming and soothing manner.  NOTE: When you get to the Assertive Behavior section 5 and beyond that section, then it is recommended to reduce your Relaxation media routine to the morning session as a minimum which is consistent with Lucinda’s program.  However, I personally would suggest to stick to the morning and night sessions when going through the process in the Book if you can especially if you are having trouble sleeping. [ Blog post Note Only:  “Intended Relaxation media” YouTube Session, Id’d in 5.3.1 in Book, now Unavailable.  See Details contained in following Blog Post addressing Options: https://riseandshineanxietydepression.net/2020/08/23….   Listening to this Relaxation media as indicated here is CRUCIAL, and a Huge part of the Conditioning Process for the Individual Sufferer] 

6)  Each morning read at first and then recite from memory (eventually you will get there), the Daily goals identified in section 16.

7)  Don’t forget to start implementing the daily Relaxation self-talk per section 3.2, Action 3), when you wake up and as needed. Note that steps 5), 6), and 7) comprises the means to calibrate yourself properly setting the Positive tone  for the day ahead; keep doing this on a regular basis.

8)  Exercise daily striving for 25-40 minutes of aerobic exercises a day.  In process include a routine to keep the heart rate up 15-20 minutes continuously. Please refer to section 4 for details.

9)  Eat healthy and Drink plenty of water (ref: section 3)

10)  Minimize those Stimulants and Alcohol consumption; don’t think I need to tell you what to do about Drug use (ref: section 2)

11)  I think you are past the point and time for baby stepping through the steps, 8) – 10). Start doing these steps the best you can.  Remember, recovery is all up to you!

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Please understand, this section 6.5, is part of the Overall Positivity Tools/Skills Process, which again is a step by step sequential build-up  process allowing  Sufferers to reach the point/time when they are appropriately prepared, and Ready for the Assertive Communication section including practicing in Real Life situations.

Again, I assure you, if you are a Sufferer, it takes a Process to Properly Take Care of Ourselves  in Life (that broken record again :), and to condition and prepare ourselves for this All Important section … No shot from the hip here my Friends as this Proven Positivity Process simply took 16 years to develop and Optimize :)… And this Process does  Flat Out Work if ya Work It!

Take Care All, and try to avoid conflicts within reason, but if ya have to deal with conflicts with others, which is part of Life, this is How Best to handle that…  Avoid passively shying away from , or getting over-blown & aggressive about these matters.

:),

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Ron